Wonderful, much needed article (wish I had written it 🙂). Once you’re in this kind of relationship (after the love bombing, etc.) what makes the relationship so toxic is intermittent reinforcement. That is, abusive relationships are not abusive 100% of the time. There are cycles of kindness and warmth interspersed with abuse. Second, abuse is often subtle. For example, abuse can start as a passive aggressive comment here and there, not respecting a small boundary, etc., which can be hard to detect or can simply be smaller transgressions. But intoxic relationships the abuse gradually increases over time. And we don’t notice it like the frog who’s being slowly boiled in water.